Husband Wife Jokes

Wife : Yesterday I saw a very beautiful girl..
Husband : Then what happened..?
Wife : I just kept on admiring her, on and on..
Husband (gets irritated) : What happened then?
Wife smiled and said : I moved away from the mirror..! gringringrin
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, Julie, pack up your things..! I just won the state lottery..!

Julie replies, Should I pack for warm weather or cold..?

The man says, I don't care.. Just as long as you're out of the house by noon.. gringringrin
A couple comes upon a wishing well. The wife leans over,
makes a wish and throws in a penny..

The husband decides to make a wish too..
But he leans over too much, falls into the well and drown..
Stunned, the wife smiles broadly and exclaims, "It really works..!" gringringrin
Darling, Whispered a frail little husband from his chair. I'm very sick, Would you please
call me a vet..?

A vet....!! "Why do you want a vet and not a medical doctor..?" asked his wife...

The husband replied, "Because I work like a horse, live like a dog,
and have to sleep with a cow..!" gringringrin
A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions..?"

His wife responds with, "Yes, I would really like that.."
Tonight, you stand by the ironing board and I'll lay on the couch and watch TV." gringringrin
Wife : Why did you break the glass..?

Husband : I did not break the glass..

Wife : When I threw the glass why did you move your head..!! gringringrin
Husband to wife :- Today is a fine day..
Next day he says :- Today is a fine day..
Again next day, he says same thing - Today is a fine day..

Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband :-
Since last one week, you are saying this 'Today is a fine day'.
I am fed up. What's the matter..?

Husband :- Last week when we had an argument, you said, I will leave you one fine day.
I was just trying to remind you... gringringrin
In a Bar,a man attended a phone-call : Hello..! Yes Honey..
Wife : Darling, I'm in a shopping mall. Shall I buy Jewelry worth Rs. 1 LAKH?
Man : Sure Honey..
Wife : 1 Silk-Saree worth Rs. 20000 dear, shall I?
Man : One saree not enough honey, take 1 more.
Wife : Ok dear, I have your credit-card. Shall I use now?
Man : Sure, with pleasure.
All friends asked him after he put down his mobile : You love your wife this much?
Man : EXCUSE ME, WHOSE MOBILE IS THIS..? gringringrin
Husband : Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner tonight.

Wife : What..? Are you crazy..? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty,
and I can't cook a meal for sure

Husband : I know all that darling..

Wife : Then why did you invite the friend..?

Husband : Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.. gringringrin
Husband texts to wife on cell... Hi, what are you doing Darling..?"
Wife : I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without you..?"

Wife : "You idiot..! I'm dying my hair..."

Husband : "Bloody English Language..!" gringringrin